I don't know when it started to happen. I no longer stand strong on my own previous principle. What I have done is just to please people, to fulfil people's expectation and people's value. I no longer do things for my own. At the same time, I scare to lose the things that I am having now.
Many areas in my life are chaos and out of my control. I don't have the desire and power to control it back. I feel that I don't have energy anymore and end up with grumble and hatred.
What I can do to gain my control back? What I can do to make my heart so cruel and wicked? What I can do to just live my life freely? What I can do to conqueer myself? To control over my own body and mind?
I am a weak spirit.
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